LOCOMO: INBOX

[testgasm]

@ WHEATLEY

GREETINGS, hello, welcome, you've reached Wheatley and the E2 branch of Aperture Laboratories. I'm...not actually here right now, if you haven't guessed. Off doing something very important, very sciencey, I'm sure, but go ahead and leave me a message, and I'll get right back to you. Depending. On. The nature of your call. But I'll, ah. Most likely respond within some kind of acceptable time frame.

✉️ ☎️ 📷

Comments

[testgasm]

wait YOU'RE tastyb1tch3000???

[shiftybladesofcray]

oh yeah you didn't know?

[testgasm]

no!!! was i supposed to? it's not like you made it obvious

[shiftybladesofcray]

idk i feel like my personality shines thru online and off

but whatever

How r u

[testgasm]

better now that we're out of that other car

not an experience i care to repeat

anyway you said you had a question?

[shiftybladesofcray]

TELL ME ABOUT IT WHAT A FUCKING BUZZKILL. Those shadow creeps didn't even bleed. No fun at all.

Okay yes anyway i was wondering

Did u forget to grab the geezer on the way out?

[testgasm]

what am i his babysitter now

i would have if i ran into him but i didn't

[shiftybladesofcray]

yeah I'm the slicer and dicer you're the old man minder

But Holy shit did we leave him to die then ???

Was his name Macaulay Culkin

[testgasm]

let's not jump to any conclusions

he was fairly helpful to both of us maybe that got his number all the way down and he left

you don't think the train would actually kill someone do you

[shiftybladesofcray]

honestly in a few cases i hope it does

As crunchy and drawn out as possible

[That pink-haired tattoo fuckhead seems to be long gone by now, but Jill still prays he didn't go quietly. She hopes he bled for days...]

ANYWAYS he wasn't one of those so fingers crossed ig

What was his number? Was he close???? He was p old maybe he just croaked au naturel

[testgasm]

i don't! that's awful!

anyway i don't know his number. probably lower than mine so he had an easier time of it i'm sure

[shiftybladesofcray]

oh come on you don't have to play nice with me mini wheats!!!

I've already seen you blow your lid kid

And I've done way worse than you believe me


But i suppose that should all be in the past now 😩 I'm retired, you're rewired, and there's no getting back to business unless we clean up our acts

[testgasm]

i already told you there were extenuating circumstances i no longer have any interest in murder or attempted murder or enacting physical harm

done. out of my system. i am cleaning up actually my number's been going down this whole time. must have done something right in the last car

[i had both empathy and humanity forced on me i had no choice but to improve]

[shiftybladesofcray]

lol ok bucket head whatever u say

tho actually, mine's going down too!!!!!!! Would you believe it?? finally under 1000

We should celebrate 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

[testgasm]

oh that is exciting

wouldn't mind a little reward for self-improvement

what do you have in mind

[shiftybladesofcray]

ooooh idk idk normally I'd say take Master out for a ride but he's not here

[And funny thing, that. For some reason conjuring that impeccable sneer and those taut buttocks isn't revving her up like they used to. In fact she feels a little used.

Might need to shoot her lamer half a message about that. What happened?]

AND now that ur a tin man again u don't even eat so let's seeeeeeeeeee

We could go pelt snowballs at people on the skating rink in that one car

Or fight some zombie things

Maybe pelt snowballs at people getting stuck under mistletoe

IDK WHAT DO YOU EVEN LIKE WHEATS?????Dying 2 kno, what pleases that little robo head of yours

[testgasm]

something tells me attacking fellow passengers unprovoked is not very sporting and might undo some of our progress

also i'm not very keen on fighting zombies

i like to read

[shiftybladesofcray]

seriously



Lmao wow i should just set u up with my other half instead 🤓

[testgasm]

well i like puzzles and tests too but i'm not sure if it's a good idea for me to be around them

as you may have seen

unless i was the one doing the puzzle! you don't have any sudoku books on you or anything do you

maybe a rubiks cube

[shiftybladesofcray]

sodoku???? sheesh is this what dads are like

Think i saw some of that puzzle biz back in the ski lodge

Books too

Hell i could go for a hot chocolate and a bodice ripper

What do you say creepley??? Gimme ur verdict

[testgasm]

i wouldn't know i never had a dad

but actually that sounds very nice minus the hot chocolate and bodices for me of course. i would be interested in that

1/2

[shiftybladesofcray]

THEN IT'S A DATE!!!!!!!!!!

[shiftybladesofcray]

jk u couldn't afford me

But I'll treat you just this once

You've been such a good boy 😘

[testgasm]

why are you like this

[shiftybladesofcray]

bc it's fun